I married a five year old

An orange foreign object wizzes overhead, dangerously close to hitting me. I look around for the source of the dart and sigh. My husband is standing in the door way like an assailant ready for battle. His weapon, he grasps in his grimy hands and although its length is foreboding, at least two feet long, it is made of orange and blue plastic. His ammunition, orange nerf bullets. That's right, my twenty-five year old HUSBAND has a nerf gun, and if he likes you expect to be shot!

How did Kyle obtain a nerf gun you may ask? Was it an antique from our childhood? Sadly, the answer is no. He bought it recently as a early Christmas gift for himself.

Swiggle swiggle swiggle (enter the sounds of chimes as we travel to the past)

Walking through Walmart looking for a vacuum band for my grandmother's vacuum cleaner, I turn around and see no one standing near me. I inhale deeply grasping that I have lost my husband. His disappearance can only mean one thing; he has found the toy department. I cross my arms as he sheepishly runs towards me, smiling like a puppy who has just peed on the carpet but is acting overly sweet to mask the smell. Under his arm, is a box half my size.
"Please??!!" he pleads looking up at me in that adorable way he knows I can't say no to. But I am stronger than he has anticipated.
"Are we five now? Kyle, if you want that, ask for it for Christmas! We came to buy something for a vacuum cleaner, not a toy" I say determinedly crossing my arms to punctuate the point.
"But this is an awesome deal. I have been looking for these online, and this is $15 cheaper than any other I have found. Plus it has an extra barrel for when you run out of nerfs, so you don't have to stop and reload. Come on Vanessa. It will be an early Christmas present. You aren't going to find another deal like this!" he says as he walks towards the front of the store, grasping the box tightly, afraid I might tear it from his bear like grip.

What was I to say? I am weak and give in to so many of his whims. It must have been so difficult to say no to him as a child. His pleading smile is well practiced at melting the most ferocious heart to an icy puddle which can only respond with "yes."

As we were walking to the front, we saw a boy who couldn't have been older than seven carrying the same gun, mirroring the excitement worn on Kyle's face. Oh the irony.

After the first attack, it was determined (by my mom) that someone else must have a weapon to fight off the onslaught of orange nerf bullets effectively.

The first battle was between my mom and Kyle. When it ended, nerfs covered every inch of the house. I, however, will never erase the image of my mom carrying the blue and orange gun on the prowl to attack her son in law. Way to go MOM!

The next battle, was between my aunt Nancy and Kyle. This, however, was not a fair match, as Kyle has the skills of a lion stalking it's prey. He is as quiet as a slithering snake and as quick and accurate as a Cherokee warrior. Nancy on the other hand, laughed the entire time, giving away her position, and her shot... well, let's just say, she needs practice.

There were a few other battles in between, but the most epic of them all occured Thanksgiving day. Unbeknownst to me, Kyle had already purchased several nerf guns before my arrival back in the states. When I asked why he needed another one, his response was, "I wanted a better one." Arrggg... boys! Two others plus a blow gun emerged from the wreckage which is our garage. Thanksgiving day, we spent with my BFF's (Leslie's) family who we consider to be our family. The fight began originally between Leslie's cousin Bella and Kyle. (Do you see the pattern, they all start with Kyle, the pacifist.) Kyle's excuse for the beginnings of the war was that he only wanted to entertain Bella, who was eight and exhibiting boredom signs: it had nothing to do with his own five-year old attention span. Leslie's sister and friend entered the fight as well as Leslie and Leslie's husband. The war raged for over an hour upstairs, and down, behind the couch and between the banisters. In ever corner lay either a gun man or a collector (of nerfs for reloading). It was the war of wars , culminating in a battle between the sexes in which the better sex won. I don't need to explain which that is. It was one of the best Thanksgiving events of my lifetime and in my snow-globe of memories, that is one I will cradle carefully. Thank goodness for my five year old husband!

We exhausted QT with the battle. He looked on condescendingly!

Death by chocolate and pepermint

I typically cook from Cookinglight as I try to eat a healthy diet, however this Thanksgiving I found a recipe that called out to me in a way I just couldn't resist. "Vanessa," it said in a sweet innocent voice, "I'm worth it. Don't worry about the pounds of butter or piles upon piles of sugar, your tongue will thank me." And I gave in, but ya know what, it was worth it!

With a total of 1 1/2 cups of butter, 2 cups regular sugar, and an entire BOX of powdered sugar, and not one but TWO icings, this cake was NOT LIGHT; deadly might more accurately describe this chocolate mountain, but it was delicious.

If you find yourself needing some peppermint and chocolate that just might kill you, this is the recipe for you! Enjoy.

Prep: 30 min., Bake: 20 min., Chill: 1 hr.

Yield: Makes 2 (9-inch) tarts

Ingredients

• 4 (1-ounce) unsweetened chocolate baking squares
• 1 cup butter, softened
• 2 cups sugar
• 4 large eggs
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup semisweet chocolate morsels
• 1/2 cup butter, softened
• 1 (16-ounce) package powdered sugar
• 1/3 cup milk
• 1/4 teaspoon peppermint oil
• 1 Chocolate Glaze
• 1/2 cup crushed peppermint candy canes

Preparation

Microwave chocolate squares in a microwave-safe bowl at MEDIUM (50% power) 1 1/2 minutes, stirring at 30-second intervals until melted. Stir until smooth.

Beat 1 cup butter and 2 cups sugar at medium speed with an electric mixer until light and fluffy. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating just until blended after each addition. Add melted chocolate, beating just until blended.

Add flour, beating at low speed just until blended. Stir in vanilla and chocolate morsels. Spread batter evenly into 2 greased and floured 9-inch tart pans with removable bottoms.

Bake at 350° for 20 minutes or until center is set. Cool completely on wire racks.

Beat 1/2 cup butter at medium speed with an electric mixer until creamy; gradually add powdered sugar alternately with milk, beating at low speed after each addition. Stir in peppermint oil.

Divide butter mixture between each tart, spreading evenly over cooled brownies in pans; cover and chill 1 hour or until firm. Divide Chocolate Glaze evenly between each tart, spreading over chilled butter mixture in pans. Sprinkle crushed peppermint candy around outer edge of each tart.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving
By Ralph Waldo Emerson

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food,
For love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:

"For flowers that bloom about our feet;
For tender grass, so fresh, so sweet;
For song of bird, and hum of bee;
For all things fair we hear or see,
Father in heaven, we thank Thee!"

I'm so very thankful to have my grandmother living and breathing in her home in Lubbock. My heart which was close to broken, has been frightfully reminded of the blessings that only grandparents can bestow. Thank you God for giving us more time to walk on this Earth together.

The treasures of a pantry

(Some of the fam and all of the dogs in their sweaters)

Imagine living 40 plus years in the same house. Imagine living through a time of such scarcity, no one threw anything away, and reusing wasn't just a ideal taught in schools, but a necessity. My grandmother lived during The Great Depression, in one of the most devastated areas of the country, the dust bowl. The dust bowl centered around the Texas panhandle and Oklahoma was despoiled by severe drought and extensive farming without crop rotation and other preventative erosion measures which led to dust storms and lack of food and work. People learned to live with what they had and took the phrase, "Waste not want not" to an elevated tier. Resourcefulness was imperative and what we might consider trash today found another use outside of the trash bin. My grandmother still lives by that motto today, and though we tease her for never throwing anything out, she never goes wanting because of her pervasive resourcefulness.

While grandmother was in the hospital, we did some clearing and cleaning. Now, it should be noted that immaculate housekeeping is not a gene any of us inherited. However, because of grandmothers resolve not to throw things out that might one day have another use, her pantry had become a cave for trolls. It was jerry-rigged with a light bulb hanging from a wire near the door, in a not so fashionable matter. One could only step inside the 10' x 7' pantry a mere foot before being detained by boxes, bags and trash bins. It's a wonder that she was ever able to get in without falling and breaking a hip. This pantry was so full of STUFF (stuff that u're family forgets (about)) that there was hardly any room for food. In fact BB, my aunt, said that until she left home after college, she had no idea a pantry was primarily used for food.

Interesting things found in grandmother's pantry included:

• A desk piled high with at least 200 sheets of used aluminum foil (waiting to be used again another day)
• I am unsure of the number as I didn't take the time to count but probably 150 used styrofoam containers.
• Executive decision maker ball (precursor to the eight ball) (date unknown, but very old)
  
• puke yellow measuring spoons and cups unopened from the 70's (We have now replaced her old measuring cups which were being held together with glue and rubber bands with the "new" ones from the 70's.
• an unopened nail kit from the 70's with creepy smiling floating heads of a very suburban happy white family.

• Tax returns from the 1960s. I think we can throw those out as the seven year mark has passed.
  

• Deeds for land, one from 1910. (Those we are keeping)
  
• George Buckett poster (kinda cool children's illustrator)
  
• A huge stamp collection- even one stamp with "win the war 1944" on the front (Anyone know the value of those?)
  
• My mom's psat scores ( I couldn't figure out her score though as the scoring has changed a great deal from when she took the test)
  

• The most adorable Christmas card made with love from my mom to my grandmother as a child. On the front it was decorated with a glittering angel and inside a poem that attempts at rhyming, but just misses the mark,

"It's Christmas already and packages are wrapped I have the sweetest mama of the whole world on the map."

To some trash, other's invaluable treasure. (The aluminum foil and stryrofoam were in the trash or rather recycling pile) On our drive home, our entire back seat was filled with recycling which she had separated for us to take home to San Antonio, as Lubbock is lacking in a decent recycling program. And when I say our entire back seat, I mean that the review window was only just visible through a small opening in between the recycling bags.
I wish we had had the forethought to take a before picture of the troll cave also known as a pantry, however we didn't so all you have is the after picture. But if you imagine, every shelf filled to the brim with boxes of sytrofoam, aluminum foil and other treasures/trash with absolutely no floor space, you might start to get an idea.

The after pictures:

Happy homecoming Grandmother, a pantry used for food!

Thinking about Christmas gifts?

Instead of giving a gift that might be thrown in the closet and forgotten, think about giving a donation to children in need in your friend or family member's name.

While we give thanks over our meals on Thursday, UNICEF field staff will be distributing supplies to help thousands of severely malnourished children, including:

• innovative packets of nut spread, created specifically to help malnourished children;
• high-protein biscuits that are easy to distribute to children in need; and
• a formula of nutritious milk and vitamins that boosts children's chances of survival.

Malnutrition causes up to half of all preventable child deaths. My wish for this Thanksgiving is to give these children the supplies they need to survive until the next holiday.

Visit InspiredGifts.org, where you can purchase lifesaving nutrition products to nourish the starving children of the world. We'll give you an eCard that you can use to dedicate your gift to a loved one.

Live Saving milk:

Giving a gift of lifesaving milk will help children in emergency feeding centers, refugee camps, and hospitals.

High Energy biscuits:

During emergencies, these high-energy biscuits can be quickly and easily distributed to children who desperately need the nutrition and vitamins.

Therapeutic nut-spread:

Your gift of therapeutic nut spread, a protein paste for malnourished children, can feed ten children for one month!

It's a gift of true love and humanity. Let's share the wealth.

Success! Yay Grandmother!

Friday evening: Grandmother asks a neighbor to take her to the emergency room. (She never complains which means she was in serious pain)

Saturday: Aunt Nancy drives up to Lubbock in a frenzy. Grandmother has to have a blood transfusion, and she has continuous struggles breathing even with an oxygen mask.

Sunday evening: Grandmother is placed on a ventilator. We pack our bags in a haze for the 7 hour trip to Lubbock from San Antonio.

Monday: (As we are on the road) We are told grandmother may not make it through the day. Silence occupied our car for what seemed a lifetime as we listen to the mad flutterings of our afflicted and grieving hearts. We arrive to the hospital to find grandmother in a hospital beds with an uncountable amount of tubes going in and around her entire body. She looks at us, and squeezes our hand with the strength of someone who has the will to live. She writes in my palm with her forefinger three meaningful words, "I love you." The tears, already hiding behind my lashes pushed to surface, but I held them back as I told her that I loved her too. It was hard seeing one of the strongest women I have ever known, and one of my greatest role models in that bed in such pain, but she was much stronger than I had expected considering they had given her a 10 percent chance to live through the day. Optimism crept in for the first time all day.

Tuesday: She grew stronger.

Wednesday: She gave us orders to clean the house, and shampoo the carpets. We were ecstatic. If she was giving orders, she was on the mend.

Friday: She asked, "When do I get eat?" (When people are on the ventilator they have to be tube fed, which also has a tendency to cause diarrhea. Lovely eh? Not only does she have tubes shoved down her throat preventing her from verbal communication, but it also can cause more unpleasantness.) She also gave a belly laugh at one of our stories. I think it was the story about Kyle and his nerf gun. Look out for that post.

Saturday: An attempt was made to take out the ventilator, but it was unsuccessful. The doctor wouldn't say she was in the clear until the ventilator was successfully removed. We were all biting our nails with anxiety.

Sunday: The ventilator was successfully removed after they cleared her lungs of excess mucus. Hallelujah and Thank you God! We are so thankful that grandmother who was on the death's doorstep has now been pronounced "in the clear." Thank you all for your words of encouragements, thoughts and prayers. It was most definitely appreciated.

Update from the Hen House

First and foremost, Grandmother is miraculously on the mend. We're not in the clear just yet but the numbers are getting better day by day. Thank you all for the prayers and please keep them coming.

Now then, as Vanessa said earlier, the Sanders women have something of a reputation for being particularly...determined and...assertive. Some of those who are none the wiser might say stubborn and bossy however, I have seen first hand what happens to those men who brave those risky waters. Let's just say, nearly none are left to tell the tales. Seriously. Now consider that the past three days, I have been with 4 very determined and assertive Sanders women and one particularly feisty apple that didn't fall far from the Sanders tree. Now in all fairness, Grandmother has every right to be ordering people around, whether she's in the hospital or not and as Vanessa pointed out earlier she's on the mend and tossing out orders. She's truly an amazing woman. The other Sanders women certainly haven't failed to take the opportunity to get some things done around Grandmother's house that have been needing it for a while . Their approach to this however, has truly been an intriguing and novel approach to me.

Exhibit A; Betty Bob who is vacuuming nearly the entire house says to Sharon who is walking around doing an amazing job of supervising, "Sharon, will you move that chair out of the way?"
Sharon replies, "I'm gonna complain!"
Nancy chimes in, "What else is new!?"
And the chair gets moved.

Exhibit B; After dinner, while we are all sitting around the table discussing the day, there's a lag in the conversation and the time to clean has come. Sharon says, "No wash, no rinse, no dry!"
Betty Bob responds, "Well you can't go pretend to practice piano anymore cause there isn't one around!"
And the dishes get washed.
Sidenote; Sharon really did used to practice piano just to get out of doing chores. She admits it now, rather proudly I might add.


Now I have to say, it's been quite nice to feel useful lately. It's not often that I have 4 different tasks being "requested" of me at once and the progress being made around here really is inspiring. Furthermore, we haven't turned the TV on once and yet, I feel like I have had all the entertainment I need just listening to the bickeri....I mean conversations these Sanders women have. More than once, it's been pointed out to the nurses attending Mary Jo that she's not a complainer so asking her if she want's some Tylenol for the pain is like asking a polar bear if it wants more ice. It just won't make sense to the polar bear. Neither does it to Mary Jo. So without going into details, while her children have inherited so many of her good traits, they also differ from her in some ways. For every complaint Mary Jo chooses not to voice, her loving daughters are more than happy to pitch in 3 and toss in a few of their own! The thing about this that I find very interesting is while most groups accomplish tasks by having one person delegate and the rest following the orders, the Sanders hen house functions by having 4 delegators and one man to follow the orders! Ingenious!

Truth be told, everyone has been doing their part and we have truly been making some huge strides in getting Grandmother's house in order. If things keep going the way they've been, we will have a wonderfully clean and organized house for Grandmother to come home to. I just hope I'm still around when it's all done : \

Update on my grandmother

On our drive to Lubbock yesterday, we were told Grandmother might not make it through the day. She originally went to the hospital because she was struggling to breath and had serious loss of blood. Even with an oxygen mask, her lungs weren't getting enough oxygen. Sunday evening they put her on a ventilator and Monday morning, we weren't sure she was going to come back enough to join the land of the living. However, when we arrived Monday evening, it was reported that she was doing significantly better. She was fully conscious and aware, even responding to questions with nods or shakes of her head. (She can't speak with the tubes in her mouth) She isn't out of the woods yet, but two messages she wrote to us, made us all feel as if she were getting back to her old self. The messages were:
" You need to shampoo the carpets."

and

"The dishwasher isn't working"

And as the women in my family are commonly referred to as "Those bossy Sanders women" the fact that her bossiness is returning, is an excellent sign.

Of course your prayers are still incredibly appreciated, but we are feeling increasingly optimistic. Thank you for your continuous thoughts and prayers.

Prayers

Please keep my grandmother in your prayers. She is currently in the hospital. We don't know many details, but she is intensive care. We are driving to Lubbock tomorrow and I don't know how long we will stay. Your prayers will be most welcome. Thank you.

The Finale of "THE UTAH TRIP"

I am a terrible blogger, keeping you all in suspense for so many days, waiting on pins and needles to hear the end of our magnificent trip to Utah, but we have been oh so busy. I have been working for that non profit I was mentioning before, Music in the Schools, and Kyle has been running errands, cleaning house, doing everyones bidding, and just playing the perfect little house hubby. AND we just got back from Fredricksburg visiting some new friends. It was lovely, and oh so Christmasy, with lights and wreaths, a camp fire, and even a cool breeze to give the illusion of some type of cold weather in fall. All of the above is to make a pitiful excuse for why I have kept you waiting an unjustifiable and torturesome amount of time. I might as well have prodded under your fingernails with pins, the suspense must have been such a torture. At any rate, you can rest easy now, as the legendary story is to come to it's end.

Where were we... ah yes, I believe we were at Friday and taking a nap, a much needed and well deserved nap if I remember correctly as all naps are.

• THE BEEHIVE HOUSE! Beehive house, Brigham Young's estate. Brigham Young was one of the founders of Salt Lake City, and as Ida Mae pointed out, had a very large family, 50 wives and 56 children to be exact. His house, or mansion, what have you, is called the Beehive house because deseret, which is a name coming from the book of Mormon which was said to be translated from a language similar to ancient Egyptian supposedly means swarm of bees. The house was beautiful and had many furnishings imported from France and other far away countries. In one room, the price of the curtains was listed as $37/yrd. That is an outrageous price today- in the 1800s, that would be equivalent to royalty I would imagine. Another question we had, which wasn't answered on our tour was how this man, who was said to have been so poor that he had to borrow a pair of shoes to come to Salt Lake City in the pilgrimage gain so much wealth? Anyone know?

The wedding dress one of the daughters made for her wedding.

• Which was then followed by a riveting game of pictionary, boys against women. And of course we women showed those men folk who could draw and guess more accurately. Alright, alright, that's not the truth, in fact it might even be a blatant lie, but it was rigged I tell you. Sorcery was used, I am sure of it! :) Because everyone knows, women are better at everything.

Saturday

• Hiking in the mountain surrounding Salt Lake City was absolutely breathtaking. I love the outdoors and feeling the sense of oneness with the Earth. When much of our time is spent in suburbia with cell phones and televisions, it is easy to forget the majesty of the Earth's wonders, and many blessings.
  
  
  
• We hiked to the SUMMIT, or what we decided was our lunching destination and then decided summit as the real summit was too far.
  
• Snow, snow, what a foreign thing this white stuff on the mountain side was for us Texans. And by our behavior, one might have thought we had never seen snow before. Unfortunately the snow was hard, not soft and fluffy, so snowballs were more painful, and our shoes weren't waterproof, leaving our socks damp from our playfulness.
• And then to Park City- the famous skiing enthusiast resort town. With a population of aprox. 7,000 and is considered part of the greater Salt Lake City area, often has more tourists than permanent residence at any given time. Shopping and din din were on the menu before we headed back for a riveting game of Apples to Apples in which Leslie won hands down and Jennifer participated by spouting out random comments from her dream state on the couch.

Sunday

• Breakfast with another friend who currently resides in Salt Lake City whom I met in Italy and last saw in Korea when she was visiting a friend. Small world ain't it? Anywho, it was wonderful to see her and catch up over Salmon eggs Benedict (which wasn't so fabulous).
• Tea/coffee houses was difficult to find on a Sunday in Salt Lake, but eventually we located one, and sat down for a lovely fall afternoon chat.
• And then, it was time to say our goodbyes, which is the least fun part of vacation. I have such love in my heart for these friends and without their friendship, my life would be greatly lacking.

Our Utah trip: Part 1

Wednesday, Kyle and I woke up before our lethargic bodies were ready , and by that I mean 8:30 am, in order to get in a last run before we took the trip to Mormonville, Utah. You may know it by it's other name, Salt Lake City, however since that Lake seems to be drying up quiet quickly, they may need to change the name, and Mormonville is clever, don't you think? I mean it is better than some of the names we have in Texas: Hell, Purgatory, among others.

Wednesday:

• Flight 2pm-4pm in Utah. It was direct, no layovers, no stops, it was fantastic! And what was even better, they had FREE Wifi in both airports, which was why I was able to write about our fabulous HALLOWEEN post!
• Jennifer didn't arrive however until 10ish, and as our best friends are 80 years old and go to sleep before 9pm, they couldn't stay up to greet her. (Actually they had a valid excuse as they had to wake up at 5am to go to work, but it's more fun to call make fun of them)

Thursday

• Jennifer woke up as Leslie was leaving for work, in my opinion because she way too much energy but her excuse was the time difference from NYC to Utah; her body's time was two hours ahead, and with the extra hours in the wee morning with no one to entertain her, she went grocery shopping for Bisquick and pumpkin pie ingredients. Kyle and I woke to what sounded like someone covering the entire kitchen in aluminum foil. We were surprised to discover pancakes were generously being made by our energetic best friend.
• After making breakfast and throwing together the ingredients for vegetarian chili in the crockpot in proper Suzy homemaker style, we got ready for our day of intrigue into this little/big city. (200 thousand people live inside SLC, but 1 million live in the greater SLC area, however there are only 2 million in total in all of Utah.)

• We shopped. Well, Jen shopped, we watched. And ate at a fabulous little Greek restaurant.

Jen wasn't as enthusiastic about the billions of photo ops as I was :)

• The temple is basically the epicenter of the city, and therefore wasn't difficult to find. The visitor center was interesting, but the best part by far was Ida Mae, our 93 year old tour guide who took us to the top of the Mormon office building to view the city in all it's Mountainous glory.
• It took us 10 min to cross the room because she moved slower than molasses in January, but she was an excellent guide, and we found ourselves quoting her throughout the rest our trip. At one point when she was leading us to the elevators to go up to the observation deck we were abruptly stopped by the over protective security guard, who was then promptly scolded by this little old lady.
• 
• Adam and Eve fully clothed in Roman attire

Jesus among the stars and the planets in Heaven

• Dinner- vegetarian chili- was fantastic. And the Bisquick mix doubled as a biscuit mix which we accidentally let fall to the ground, yet still ate (five second rule people).
  
• We then gathered around the television set to watch "The Office," which was painful yet somehow satisfying to watch.

Friday

• Friday began with Leslie sleeping nearly 12 hours. She has to sleep for two now and if the Pennycook Ness baby is anything like Leslie, it will appreciate sleep.
• We then packed a lunch and headed off towards some mountains for wilderness hiking. As we didn't actually know what we were doing, we got lost several times along our route which sometimes had a clear path and sometimes didn't. Our National Geographic instincts weren't as skilled as Lewis and Clark's and when our confusing and unmarked path took us to a cutting and jagged ridge, a breeze, which some might describe as a deathly gale blew with all it's might attempting to dislodge us on our journey, and throw us to a harrowing fate among the bottom of the cliff, but I am happy to proclaim that we reigned victorious hikers and without any harm save a few blisters. And as explorers, we discovered a "living room" which is the name hiking enthusiasts have bestowed upon the very cleverly stacked pile of rocks placed in such a way to have the feel of chairs, couches and a coffee table.
• While hiking underneath the sun, it is easy to forget the cool temperature of Utah in fall. We remembered quickly however as we picnicked next to the drained lake with the geese and ducks.
• A nap was required before our visit to the...

To be continued..... (It's so exciting, I know! You are all in such anticipation, and I am keeping you from finding out what happens which is cruel torture, however, this post is getting way too long to be considered interesting so it will be in two parts, yes you must wait.)

WE are in UTAH!!

The last post was written entirely in the airport while waiting to catch our flight to Salt Lake City. What brings us to Salt Lake City you may ask? The answer is simple: We love salt and water, and when combined, it just makes an irresistible combination. ha ha ha! I crack myself up. I swear, if only everyone in the world thought my jokes were as funny as I find them, then I could be a successful comedian, and all my money problems would be solved. Too bad there are a limited amount of sophisticated or geeky (whichever you prefer) people in this world who get my untamed humor. Unfortunate for everyone else.
So the REAL reason we are here in this bowl like city, is that we are visiting Leslie, Peter, the unborn Pennycook Ness child, and Jennifer who is also flying in from NYC!

(Picking up Jen at the airport! I missed her!)

Yay! It has been so wonderful to see them all. It has been way too long. A year at least. I have visited with both their families plenty since I returned from Korea, but as they themselves live thousands of miles away from me and their families, we haven't had a chance to see each other.

Proof we are in UTAH! Where the beer only has 3-4% alcohol

Preparing for our Fiber intake!

There will be more posts with our many escapades, but this will have to do for now as we want to spend the majority of the time we have left actually visiting with friends!

The milk maid and Bessy

Thank you to everyone who wrote in their suggestions. We received some really fantastic and creative proposals. Here are a few so you can get an idea:

• birthday suits (Kyle liked this idea)
• priest and nun
• vampire/zombie
• garage sale ( my favorite) - wear a garbage bag and attach items with pricetags.
  

By Friday, we were pretty set on going as Cereal killers. No I didn't misspell cereal. The plan was to wear cereal boxes, plastic knives and fake blood. We saw someone else with this costume and thought it was so creative and it would be an easy and funny costume. We went to HEB and bought sample packs of our favorite sugar filled cereals and a plastic knife, but then we got the call: "VETO" my mom said. You see, we were going to a charity function with my mom and her friend, and as this charity event was held at a country club with hoity toity peeps, she didn't think our costumes were "appropriate."

"Ok mom," I said reluctantly, "our other idea was garage sales. We are low on funds, we have to get creative."
"Vanessa" she said exasperated, "I will pay for you to get real costumes. You are not going to wear a trash bag to a country club!"
"If you insist!" I replied excitedly

Last year, Kyle and I really wanted to go as a Cow and a cowboy. We thought it would be a really cute couple costume, however the only cow costume we found, was a one size fits all, which doesn't include bite sized adults who can fit into childrens clothing. So since Kyle falls into the one size category he was designated the grey uttered cow costume, and I, was to be the cowgirl.However, at the last minute, in a stroke of genius, our friend suggested that I go as a milk maid! Fabulous idea!! I found a beer maid costume, bought a metal jug at Michaels, along with a cow bell and a rope for good ole Bessy, and we were the perfect ranching couple. I must admit, I had a little too much fun dragging Kyle around on his leash, I mean cow rope. It also provided an extra toy on the dance floor which we used for excess spinning!

My mom planned originally to go as a Chinese woman because she had a dress she bought years ago in Chinatown in Vancouver, however the ladies at her office suggested she go as a geisha, so at that suggestion we bought an appropriate wig and HUGE eyelashes. BUT geishas are Japanese, not Chinese and she wore my Korean shoes and bag, so really she was just a nondescript Asian, and kind of convincing as well. The nun sitting next to her asked if she was actually Asian. The nun must have been blind because blond strands were sticking out beautifully!
All in all, it turned out to be a very enjoyable evening. Lots of laughs, lots of dancing and lots of silliness. Great fun!

AAAAND we had a surprise visit from some good friends we hadn't seen in ages!
YAY for the Houstons and fun surprises!!!

Very exciting email I just got!

KYLE PARKHURST ROGERS

AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO DECEMBER 2009 DEGREE CANDIDATES

Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that your application to
graduate in Fall 2009 has been approved. Your graduation is contingent upon
completion of current coursework, incompletes, correspondence, and/or
outstanding transfer work, by the appropriate deadlines.

Please review the following information and report corrections
as described below:

1. You are a candidate for the following degree/major:

B S Comm St, Human Relations

2. Your diploma will be mailed to your permanent address by the Office of
the Registrar approximately 4-6 weeks after the official graduation date.

One step closer!!!- since today is Sunday and UT is not a 24/7 organization, we can't call, but we are pretty sure that this means that I, Kyle can pick up my necessary paper work next week for proof of graduation to show to potential employees! Yippie Dippie doie!

Re-living Halloweens

The clock is ticking to closer to that much awaited holiday. You know of the one, I speak. The ghoulish holiday in which for one night, we mortals can dress as creatures and brutes not of this world. But the absolute best part about Halloween is that the crazier one dresses up, the more praise he or she receives. In truth, Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. It allows us to express ourselves in a way that might never be possible were it not for this blood curling tradition.

Some might call Kyle and I creative, others might refer to us as "coo coo," but either way, we LOVE dressing up, and each year we try to get as creative as possible, with as little money as possible, which makes Halloween a interesting challenge. This year, we have, as with most Halloweens, procrastinated until the last possible moment to figure out what we shall be, and we are coming up a little dry, which is where you come in, my creative friends and family. What should Kyle and I dress as this year, which would be fun, interesting and inexpensive. To give you an idea of some of the costumes we have featured in the past, I have posted pictures from previous Halloweens. Enjoy, and we would greatly appreciate your input and ideas.

This year we went as Wolverine and Rogue. You might notice that my gloves are actually dishwashing gloves, and my boots are galoshes.

This might have been our first Halloween as a couple, and at the last moment, shopping through Target, we came across some very cheap pink sheets and decided to be PINK GHOSTS. It was fun.

Halloween 2008, we went as dice. We made these out of boxes, paint and rope. Sadly those costumes got tossed.

These two pictures are of what I consider to be some of our best costumes ever. I love that we were both dressed as pumpkin costumes as children. My mom made my costume, and my fat little rolly polly arms just make the costume that much more believable.

Halloween 2006, shopping through Michaels for ideas, we decided to go as a painter and his creation. This is one of my favs as well.

I don't remember if we were Sharon and Ozzy for a Halloween event or if it was just a dress up Communication Council event that had nothing to do with Halloween. But I think we pulled it off pretty well.

I was a butterly this year, but you can't see my wings here, and Kyle was a vampire.

Italy Halloween 2005- I wore the apron we bought for Kyle's dad as my costume, and went as a naked man. Having just discovered "The Big Lebowsky" Kyle went as "THE DUDE" and carried milk in place of a white Russian.

Quick update on the Graduation Bizness

Got an email from my adviser this morning and just wanted to let you all know how things are progressing;

Hi Kyle,

Your transfer work has posted and all we are waiting on now is your In Absentia paperwork to clear (it will take a few weeks). Your graduation application will be approved once that happens. As of right now, there is nothing left for you to do.

Congratulations on the completion of your degree!

Best,
Aida

Don't go queuing the Hallelujah chorus just yet but I think a little woohoo is in order so...WOOHOO!

So close to success!

Tuesday, Kyle woke up with a fire beneath his behind. As his wife, I often times, am the party most likely to kindle flame to motivate his occasionally slow moving gigantic hobbit feet into action, however, he needed no pushing from me this particular morning. And, it was a GOOD thing; some might even say, a miracle that he called UT (University of Texas) Tuesday. Why? Because Wednesday was the deadline for submitting an application for graduation. Who Knew? Not us!

He had actually already submitted an application but because of some issues which I wont go into because honestly, it's just plain mind numbing to explain, it wasn't valid. Sooooo... the lady on the phone told him that he needed to get in his transcript from Texas State (where he took his final Spanish classes which by the way was the only thing keeping him from being a graduate) in by Wed. at 3pm. Kyle took his final test on the previous Friday and often times he didn't receive a grade for at least a week, but he called and pleaded, and low and behold, his professor graded his test within a few hours of his beseeching, and we were in the car, on our way to Texas State to pick up his transcript to take to UT in the morning as we had to meet with the adviser at 8:45 am the next morning. And if you know ANYTHING about Austin traffic, you are aware of it's lifeless movement in the morning, afternoon, also sometimes at midnight and on occasion at 4 am and well really basically at all times of day depending on the shadow of the moon on the Earth. So..., we solicited friends at the last possible moment so that we could save a tank of gas and a massive migraine whilst dealing with what might be considered equivalent to Chinese torture, Austin traffic in the morning.
Success! Texas State Transcript received!
Non success: San Antonio College Transcript not received, leaving Kyle without the adequate number of hours.
Success! he was allowed to apply for graduation.
Non success: We do not currently have a piece of paper which will pass as a prerequisite to a diploma until SAC's transcript is received.
Success! The lady on the phone told Kyle, it was basically impossible for him to get it all done before the deadline, and when he called to tell her that we were on our way, she was dumbfounded to which Kyle responded, "I know, I have been a RockSTAR!"

In short- the trip was very successful, but not as successful as we hoped. But we are far from despairing. We are hopeful, that by Monday, all should be solved! We are so very very close, I can taste it! YAY for Kyle being a ROCKSTAR!!!

Why dogs hate Halloween

Bulldog 2009 aka Kyle plays GI Joe for 2 days straight!

For those of you who didn't know, last weekend was my big airsoft event that I have been looking forward to for a very long time. It's called Bulldog and it's put on by these guys; OPLionClaws as a fundraiser for the Marines. It's also a big money maker for them I'm sure but regardless, they cut a check to the Marines for 5k at the end so they're all good in my book. Anyways, it all started after I went out to San Antonio Airsoft to hang with my new bud Julian. He's been showin me the ropes of airsoft for a while now and for the past couple months he's been getting me all hyped up for what basically amounts to the biggest airsoft event in Texas each year. It ain't cheap (180$ a head) and it ain't close (Ft. Hood Tx.) but man it was worth it! So the really cool thing about Bulldog that makes it so much better than any other airsoft game is that Ft. Hood lets us use their MOUT (Military Operations on Urban Terrain) site and it looks basically like a little Baghdad but it's HUGE! Like 10 acres.
And you have two teams fighting against eachother; The Freedom Fighters:















And the Marines/Russians:













Now again, airsoft is a little different from paintball in that the goal is not to just eliminate everyone but to complete objectives. For example, the first "evolution", (that's GI Joe lingo for game by the way) had both teams trying to unlock as many padlocks as they could find. The padlocks were in certain buildings but no one knew which ones so it was kinda like a treasure hunt...while being shot at...and shooting at others. GREAT FUN!
So at first, Julian and I were hoping that we could play with the Freedom Fighters as all of the dedicated San Antonio Airsofters were playing on the FF side. But because I registered a bit late and because the teams were ridiculously imbalanced this year, I had to go Russian so Julian switched sides. AND, one of Julian's customers/buds decided he wanted to come to! So Billy Coleman age 35ish, professional cool cat joined us to help fight for the Motherland. We had an absolute blast!
So here's a quick rundown of how it went, followed by pics from last years Bulldog just to give you an idea of what it's like. Recent pics are comin, we just don't have any yet!

Fri. 4:30pm-Van drives me out to SAAirsoft to drop me off. Julian and fam are SWAMPED with random customers. Good for business, not good for schedule.
6:30pm-Billy's drivin, J's freshly shaven and showered and rockin the shotgun seat. We hit the road, just 2 hrs. behind schedule...right on time!
10:28pm We pull in to the Ft. Hood Visitor's Center that closes at 10:30pm to get directions as none of us know where to go. We spend a good 10 minutes talking with the very nice but not so helpful MP that didn't even know there was an Airsoft event on base this weekend. A decision is made about the most likely location of our campsite and we roll out.
11:30pm We've made a full circle around Ft. Hood (no small feat mind you, nearly 60miles of driving) and we find our campsite!!!

Sat.12:45am Tents up, air mattress inflated without pump, we all pass out.
7:00am Roll out and start gearing up
8:00am Get yelled at for not being registered properly nor having guns checked properly
8:15am Get yelled at for not being in formation on time by Russian Commander Igor Doberov aka Scary Russian (really, he is Russian...but not really scary...except when he's angry) See for yourself; He's the one with the blue Barret on and the huge smile on his face. Don't let the smile fool you though, he's one tough Motherlander!













8:45am Evolution 1 begins!
12:00pm Evolution 1 ends!
1:00pm Evolution 2 begins!
2:00pm Evolution 2 ends!
4:00pm Evolution 3 begins!
5:00pm Evolution 3 ends!
7:00pm Evolution 4 begins! This one's a night game...but we didn't go to that one. Not sorry we missed it in the least. We were all dead tired and not too psyched about runnin through dark buildings without flashlights.

Sun. 9:00am THE LAST EVOLUTION BEGINS!
12:00pm Game over! YAY!
2:00pm Camp is packed, we hit the road.
3:00pm Bike racers are using our exit road so all 250 of us have to turn our caravan around, go back the way we came, then out the other exit. LAME...but funny!

Mon. 11:00am Wake up and can't move legs. Literally have to lift them with my arms to get in and out of the car for the next 4 days. I'm still feelin the pain! BUT IT WAS ALL WORTH IT!!!
So here's J last year as an FF.













And here's a few action shots, just so you get an idea of what it was like. OH, and one thing you don't really get a taste of with the pics is how LOUD it was. Some Okies were nice enough to give us some simulation grenades and simulation artillery rounds. You know how loud professional fireworks are when you're right up next to them? Same stuff, just going off in the street 20 feet away from us. LOOOOUUUUD!




















































And here's my personal fave from last year. You just never know where those sneaky little turds might be hiding! Pun intended...

Kyle's left the building

As we speak, or more appropriately, as I type, Kyle is driving his petrified self to San Marcos to take his last Spanish test, the only thing standing between Kyle and graduation. (At least for now) When he awoke this morning at 8:00 am voluntarily he was shaking in his booties, like a puppy in his first snow storm. Calm had set in, however, as he headed out the door. He was like a gladiator prepared to face the lions, braced for any trickster Spanish tense or strange idiom that plunged towards his heart. The previous two tests he has received scores of 90 and 92 so I am not worried. I am really proud of him stepping up after so much time of hiding behind his shield of lies to face his demons. It hasn't been easy, but we are finally nearing the end of the journey. The finish line which has seemed so close and yet completely unreachable for eons, is now within our fingertips, and I for one may jump out of my skin with rapture at the end of today.

We will keep you updated as we are informed of his progress.

Interview update:

The interview was at a temp agency called adeco and from my vantage point, it went well. I wore a nice little number with my hair pulled back, and felt very professional so that was better than originally anticipated considering my limited options, ahem... middle school clothes.

The only hiccup, however has been the assessment tests, principally the one having to do with EXCEL! Yes, it wasn't very many days ago, in which I wrote about how EXCEL HATES ME , ironic how quickly, this mutual animosity has created such a thorn in my side. The first 10 questions I could muck through just fine, as they were simple things such as widening columns and deleting rows, however, when it came to using any feature that dealt with calculating, taking averages or using formulas, I might as well have been my mom, as computer savvy as the mice living in our attic.

And then there was the typing assessment, which I actually haven't taken as of yet, because quite frankly, I am timorous of what the results will be. You see, I am a quick typist, however, my fingers like to jiggy. They like to get down, turn around and boogie to whatever music they hear, which may or may not be what I should be typing. Basically, what I am trying to say is, I make mistakes, lots of them, and the more mistakes I make, the more my fingers loose control do whatever they like especially when my nerves get the better of me. I can only take the test once, and it is a full five minutes. Five minutes of reading, or having a conversation, is equivalent to a New York minute, but five minutes of speed/accuracy typing testing is equivalent to a millennium. It requires, non-stop intense concentration, and I would rather just hide under a rock and pretend it is already over and done with. Suggestions?

Tomorrow

Tomorrow, Kyle takes (cross your fingers) his last Spanish Test EVER!! Pray that all of the information he has been desperately cramming into his head will not leak out until after the test! It tries to escape daily but with enough cajoling, and threats of violence with an airsoft gun, I think we can get it to stay until he takes that test.

- in other news... I have a temp job interview today. That's always exciting. At least the prospect of some income is inspiring.

Except.... that all of my work clothes I left in boxes in Korea. It should be interesting the clothes I find for this interview.... All of the clothes in my closest are from high school or before. The shirt I am currently wearing is from middle school. (I am 26, that would be too many years ago to count)

-In more news, we went to the dentist yesterday. Our teeth aren't rotting out of our head, which is always favorable.

My husband is a Goob!

It's sad but true. I married a genuine, inspector-validated goober, and there is no other word that appropriately describes Kyle, the kooky pacifist air-soft enthusiast and animal fanatic, except GOOB.

Proof and point- mega nerd!

Actually, on second thought, I take that back, according to dictionary.com the word DWEEB means a MEGA NERD. Mega-nerd- it's hilarious in itself, that the dictionary defines the word dweeb in the first place, but characterizing a person with the title as a mega-nerd is just pee in your pants, gasp for air ridonkculously uproarious!

Why you may ask, am I referring to my husband, the man I chose with my own free will to marry, in what may seem to the outsider as insulting. Well, I'll tell you, but I promise you will truly understand for yourself where the word GOOB surfaced from my elementary exiled vocabulary when you see these pictures for yourself!

Kyle has left me alone this weekend for an air-soft tournament. Its not really a tournament per say but a three day shoot 'em up fest for dudes and a very few brave ladies, who liked to play GI Joe as a kid and just never grew out of that phase. (If you don't know what air soft is, click here for an explanation) Kyle and I have been walking nearly every evening for exercise and for quality Kyle and Vanessa time. One evening, as we got ready for our walk, Kyle, to prepare for the weekend that he has been looking forward to for weeks, maybe even years, well, if we get right down to it, he has been anticipating this spectacular event before the kid was even born, put on his holster/vest/backpack and filled it with weight (water bottles, cream soda, a whisky bottle). It only took one glance. I bit my lip, but it, that word, gurgled and sputtered it's way out of ostracization -

"You are such a GOOB!" I spewed

"Your just saying that because of the cream soda" - smiled Kyle readjusting his holster thingy.

"Nope its everything" I said looking away making a useless attempt not to fall on the ground from laughter.

"Yeah, but you love it. You love that I am a goob." Kyle laughed with a knowing smile

"It's true, I love that you are a goob! You are my goob and I wouldn't have it any other way!" I admitted, grabbing at his outstretched hand!

And without further adieu: MY GOOB! Kyle Rogers, the wanna-be GI Joe!

GRRRRrrrr- hear my growl! :)

I wanted to wear the vest too! I guess I am a nerd as well. This is me, trying my hardest at being a sexy FBI agent. How am I doing?

QT was too embarrassed to watch!

Jealousy is bad

So one of the main things I am trying to work on is being present; present to what is happening now, present to my body, present to my thoughts. I am trying not to live in the past or in what I THOUGHT should have been the future. Living in the present, however, is hard, it is much harder than it seems. Living in the moment means not thinking about how I wish Kyle hadn't lied to me, or how we should have been somewhere else right now, or how I should have gone for a run yesterday. When my mind is filled up with these thoughts, the negative energy is electrifying. So electrifying in fact, that they lightening strike any positive thoughts that try to sneak their way in. Living in the present means throwing some perspective on the matter. What is currently happening is not so bad. I am typing on the computer. My fingers are pressing lightly on the black keyboards as I straighten by back so as not to have the terrible posture I typically keep. My unwashed hair is having a field day sticking straight out in its frizzy way of being in all sorts of directions. I probably look like a frazzled school librarian searching for her once again lost glasses. My stomach is beginning to indicate slight vestiges that it is craving nutrients, at least that is how I am interpreting the pains in my gut. If I look at what is, and not what should have been, life isn't the terrible I often interpret it as.

Triggered by my unwillingness to read blog posts of those whose lives seem seamless and perfectly mirthful, I began writing this blog post as an attempt at an honest look as to why I am choosing not to read certain cheerful excerpts. My first thoughts are, "if their life is so happy, I don't want to hear about it because it will just make me feel worse about myself." Why does others' happiness make me experience a plummet in self-esteem? Why can't I be satisfied with where I am and be joyous of others' good fortune? Why must I covet what I don't have? And if given the chance would I really trade my life with those whose posts I won't read or facebook statuses who are always so very blithe? The answer is NO. I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I love my life. I love my family, I love my friends, I love my husband, and I love our opportunities. So where does this self-opposition come from? Why shouldn't I be satisfied?

Does anyone else have these feelings? Let me be clear. I don't actually wish ill will on anyone, especially those dear ones in my life. Please don't misunderstand this post to mean something that it does not. I honestly and truly wish the best for everyone in my life. What I am struggling with is satisfaction within, and really only sometimes. But I wanted to examine this as I have been doing a lot of candid soul searching lately and pose the question to others, "Is this something that you experience as well? And where does it come from for you?"

Some quotes on envy:

Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own. ~Harold Coffin

Jealousy is the great exaggerator. ~Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller, The Conspiracy of Fiesco, 1783

And oft, my jealousy shapes faults that are not. ~William Shakespeare

Excel hates me

Have you ever spent THREE hours making phone calls, getting transfered over and over again, researching on unnavigable websites, collecting data only to delete it all on accident permanently? Yeah, I did that yesterday. I have been working on a project for that non-profit I mentioned the other day called music in the schools (which is a super great cause by the by) and I thought I could work excel. I mean, all I had to do was input a little data right? I just made an itsy bitsy mistake and wanted to erase ONE ROW. What, pray tell did I erase however? The entire SHEET. Yes, an entire page- non recoverable. My head nearly exploded at that moment. I literally grabbed a blanket and hid with my new snow leopard stuffed animal named LEA (short for Leopard, but with an "A" for a girl which I got at the mac store because the mac representative took pity on me, being too poor to purchase a new laptop and all). We huddled under the blanket away from the mean computer for probably thirty minutes, yet the nightmare was still there when we re-emerged, ERASED PERMANENTLY. Luckily, in my desperation, I found a website, a golden website, which held the answers to all life's problems. Ok, not really all life's problems, just the one I was dealing with at that moment! YAY!!! It was the light at the end of a tunnel. I only wish that all of life's little curve balls had such simple solutions, but what would be the fun of that? Thank goodness for Lea- she made the day. Man, I miss my stuffed animal days. I sometimes find myself petting this FAKE cat, as if were real and enjoyed being petted! What does that say about me? Hmmm.... I am not sure I want you to answer that...

Inspired (again)

I was having a conversation over dinner just tonight about how I had once read a speech by JK Rowling and found it one of the most inspiring speeches I had ever read. It inspired me to revisit this post which picks out some of the more inspiring parts of the speech, at least for me. And I once again was blown away at the power of her words. Many people who now follow the blog, did not follow it almost exactly one year ago (when we were in Seattle with my aunt), so I felt impelled to repost this wonderfullly inspiring speech. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have!

We have a lot of time on our hands lately so I find myself thinking about future posts more than I ever have in the past, partially out of boredom, but also because I have the time for creativity. I have the time and the energy to let my imagination and thoughts run wild. A hidden blessing in our time of frustration, one might say. Through my internet searching today, I came across a commencement speech by J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series, given to the graduating class at Harvard. And by her speech I was inspired. So much so, that even after an inordinately long post that most of you probably haven't had the chance to read yet, I have decided to post another. (p.s. please read Kyle's entry before you read this one as it is really worth the read, and I not just saying that because I am the biased wife, it really is so well written and entertaining. It is not one to be missed!) I am not going to post the whole speech, but take excerpts that particularly spoke to me. However if you would like to read the entire speech, click here.

Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.... So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

So obviously Kyle and I have had hit road blocks in our life, but we haven't even brushed the edge of the decline that leads to rock bottom. In no way, am I comparing what we are going through to the rock bottom that she speaks of, but I think what she has to say about failure is so intriguing and true for some, but not all. I love the quote from the movie Catch Me If You Can, "Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out." For some, failure is just that, failure, and there is nothing more to say or do. Rock bottom is just another place to live or die. But for others, for the fighters, for the ones who want more and are willing to struggle failure can be the lottery ticket to success, an opportunity. I am always so inspired by stories of failures that lead to success because I want to be one of those people who takes risks and isn't afraid of failure. The line where Rowling says, "I was set free" made so much sense to me. If what you fear is failure, and you have failed, than there is no where else to go but towards success.

Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared. ...I paid the rent in my early 20s by working in the research department at Amnesty International's headquarters in London. here in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. ... Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to think independently of their government.
... I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was at the time, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.

Every day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or maintain power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard and read.

And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International than I had ever known before.

Amnesty mobilises thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners. Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.

This passage gave me a greater understanding of her books. While reading the Harry Potter series, I often got a sense that what she was warning against was not evil in the world, but instead, not standing up against what you know is wrong, even if you have to do it alone and at the risk of everything. Voldemort controlled with fear, paralyzing those who knew that he was wrong into doing nothing. Voldemort may have been a fictional villan, but what he stood for is unfortunatly far from fiction. Voldemort is much like the totalitarrian governments that strike fear in the hearts of many citizens of our world. Rowlings work with Amnesty International gave her a first hand look at what happens when we allow fear or totalitarrian governments to rule. Her books are beautiful stories, with imaginative creatures in a mysterious and enchanting world, but more than that, I think she wanted to send a message to all the children and adults in the world. Face your fear, don't let it control you, your dreams or what you know to be right.

And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.

I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces can lead to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.

What is more, those who choose not to empathise may enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.

One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridorwas this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

With so much time on my hands, I have been doing a lot of soul searching. "Who am I? Who do I want to become? How can I improve myself and improve the world?" After working at Alamo Segway, although I enjoyed myself greatly while exploring the city via segway and meeting interesting people, I have decided that in order for my heart and conscious to be whole, I need to know that I am useful, that I am helpful. I want to live life to the fullist and for me that means that I need to do something extraoridary. That doesn't mean that I have to live in poverty in an orphanage in China. Extraoridariness, if thats a real word, can be found anywhere, even in our own backyard. I don't exactly know where that leads me, but it gives me a general direction to where I am headed. (An example of working in one's own back yard, Kyle and I had a job interview yesterday with the community center here in Redmond and may have part time jobs helping middle schoolers. More on that later when we know more.) I leave you with this quote that has become my recent mantra, "Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible. "
~ Cadet Maxim

You are all amazing!

I just wanted to write a quick post to thank all of you who have written and called. The flood of love and support has been overwhelmingly moving. To be honest, I did not expect it and I can't tell you how good it has made me feel to know how much we are truly loved and supported. You could have easily dismissed me from your lives, but instead you have shown what unconditional love really is, loving someone despite their faults. So here's one giant

that doesn't come close to expressing how much I appreciate having you all in my life but it will have to do for now!

My Reaction

I sat stunned into silence, only the steady increase of my heartbeat was audible above my ringing ears. The words "I've been lying to you" bounced like a crazed ping-pong ball against the floorboards, up to the ceiling, grazed the already cracked windshield and round and round the interior of our aging car. Normality and numbness was my reaction. I didn't feel anything, my skin and heart were like leather. A small voice whispered that I should be feeling some sensation at my husbands pivotal confession, but there was nothing, no anger, no shock, no sadness. It's like my body's defense to emotional trauma is to assemble a protective force field against pernicious emotional daggers, and any and all shards of malignant information is dammed out, keeping my heart safe from overload. The force field doesn't stand forever, its durability with time, usually a few hours, deteriorates, allowing fragments to penetrate slowly, rather than at the lethal speed in which it is thrown. I listened to my husband, a man I thought I knew through and through as one of the most honest people I had ever met, admit he had lied not about one thing, but about many many things, small things, important things, and trivial things. He had lied to me, not at the start of our marriage, but from the beginning of our relationship. And it wasn't one lie, but many. Lies that caused us to be on different continents for over half a year, separated and lonely for each others company. And trivial lies such as the time he didn't answer his phone for three days. When I finally spoke with him, he told me this elaborate, creative story of how he ran out of gas on the highway, and was robbed, and then had to return when the police found the stolen merchandise and then he had to go to the emergency room because he got dehydrated, when really he hadn't answered my call because he felt guilty about lying to me and couldn't face me, and then had to think of a reasonable excuse for not answering my phone calls.
"I'm not proud of it, but I will answer any questions you have. I will tell you the truth about every lie I have ever told because I am committed to having a truly open relationship with you. I want you to see the man I am being and not the man I was in the past." He said to me, holding my hands tightly, determinedly maintaining eye contact.

When the splinters finally broke my emotional force field, the pain seared my heart. I found myself unable to look at the man I promised to love and cherish till I die. Kyle broke his vows to me when he lied nearly every day of our relationship. How could a man whom I trusted so wholly with my heart have hidden this from me for so long? A man who lies to his wife surly doesn't love her, nor respect her. And what did that make me? A naive, gullible victim?

It took me a while, to wade through the torrent of emotions whirling like an unstoppable F5 tornado through my body, but I was able to grab at some of the more important ones. Who said that Kyle doesn't love me or respect me? The fact is, Kyle lied because he was afraid of the world and what they would think of him. What part of that fact implies that Kyle didn't love me? His lies had nothing to do with his respect or love of me, and solely to do with Kyle's feelings about himself and his self worth. He had lied to me because in his twisted logic, that was the only way he knew would keep me. He loved me, he showed me through his doting and affectionate actions every day. He had lied to keep himself protected from harm, but his love was true, and Kyle's being, the man I loved, was still there.

I asked questions, lots of questions. I'm still asking questions. And each day, I come to understand more and more that I'll never understand. Because he wasn't coming from a place of reason. When a druggie is looking for a fix, no matter what kind of person they might have been before the drugs, they do anything, even shameful, humiliating things to provide for their hungering addiction. And I think that in the same way drugs are poison and addicting, so is the fear that held Kyle. I am by no means defending his actions because every time I hear a new lie, I am appalled and newly jarred by this deceitful side. But I also realize that what Kyle has admitted to not only his wife but to ALL of his friends and family, the people he had lied to because he was afraid of losing their love and respect took astounding bravery. What Kyle did takes guts, more than just a little; his confession takes cajones. He is standing up and admitting to the world his faults, and taking what comes and I applaud him.

For a time, I was afraid that I wasn't going to be able to feel proud of Kyle because of his past, but I realize now that I am SO proud of who he is being and what he is doing now to make up for his wrong doings. I have now come to understand that Kyle's confession of his wrongdoings are evidence that he is a man who values the worth of his integrity. By his admission, he was risking losing me, but with the prospect of having an authentic relationship with his wife, rather than an empty one based in lies and deceit. His proclamation was proof of how much he valued and respected his relationships, especially our marriage.

Each day, I can see the real Kyle glimmer just a little brighter. The shame of lying imprisons, and now that he has unlocked his chains, his brightness is glowing more and more iridescent. His presence alludes an infectiously positive attitude and any fear of mine of being ashamed has been shoved aside. His lies were never out of malice, but a protective mechanism. I believe that his lying days are over because I see the freedom the truth has given him. Kyle Rogers is an amazing person, and although what he did in the past was hurtful, it is in the past. The past is the past is the past, and that is where it should stay. All we have is the present, and we shouldn't allow our past to interfere. My pride for my husband is inundating and amazingly, despite what I might have considered illogical in the past, I find myself falling more head over heals in love with him every day. Thank you to all of you who have shown your love and support through all of this. I can't tell you how much it means to both of us. Truly we are so very blessed.



(Some people may be surprised that we are broadcasting this very personal matter on such a public forum, and I want to explain a little why. Kyle valued re-gaining his integrity more so than losing a little pride, and I felt it necessary to throw my support behind my husband and assure any interested friends and family that we remain committed to our relationship and marriage. And that although this has been difficult, we felt that being open and honest with everyone in our lives was more important and felt less shameful than keeping this matter quiet.)

Optimus Kyle (Transformers reference)

Over a year ago, our friends the Grojean’s started talking to us about this “life changing” thing they had all started doing called Landmark Education. My knee jerk reaction was immediate cynicism with a heaping tablespoon of skepticism and just a pinch of smugness. I will admit though that I was slightly taken aback at just how convinced (at the time I may have said brainwashed) they seemed to be. These were what I considered to be highly intelligent people and yet here they were trying to convince me that I of all people could benefit from a life coaching seminar. So maybe it was more like a cup of smugness than a pinch but regardless, I listened and kept blowing them off saying, “oh I know exactly what that’s all about, my Dad does that crap for a living. I grew up with that language! Nothing there for me that I don’t already know, I assure you.” Well as of Tuesday night, Vanessa and I are now Landmark Grads. Let me just give you a taste of what was there for me.

The Big Kahuna thing I got, the Mamajama thing, the real Crème de la crème (do you get how important this is?) the thing that will undoubtedly have the largest and most lasting impact on my life is the realization that for the past 20 years of my life, I have been a compulsive liar! Half of you are now going WHAT THE HELL!? And the other half of you are going, well that explains a TON! So now that it’s out in the open, let me explain to you all just what that means for me:

1. Having made that about as public as I possibly could, I have now started living a life that is NOT founded on or surrounded by lies. Do you have any idea how liberating that is for a compulsive liar?
2. I am now no longer restrained by my fears of being judged by everyone around me which is why I began lying in the first place! Do you have any idea how liberating THAT is!?
3. I am now, for the first time in my adult life, experiencing what it’s like to have every single possibility that I can imagine available to me and most importantly, I can now take actions that will turn those possibilities into reality. In the past my lies protected me from my fear of failure, disappointment or judgment but in that "protection" it kept me from taking an active role in my life and the infinite possibilities available to me. I have unshackled myself from those irrational fears, and that my friends is true freedom.

Ok now pause, go back up to the part that says “The Big Kahuna” and read that section again real quick. I just want to make sure you are all getting this. I have lied to nearly every single person in my life for the past 20 years! I’m not saying it to be like “har har fooled you all, you suckers” I’m saying it because I want all of you to understand that if you are reading this now, chances are I told you a lie and for most of you, it was probably a big one. For example, I still haven’t graduated from college. Why would I lie about that, you might ask? Because in my mind twisted in illogical and irrational fear, you, my friends and family would think lesser of me. I lied to protect myself from being lowered in your esteem, but my lies didn't fix anything, rather they imprisoned me and helped to justify my inaction. I know it isn't logical.

Now here’s the thing. I imagine that somewhere, at sometime, someone has said the words I love you and didn’t mean them. That’s not the kind of liar I was so let me make this part perfectly clear. If I ever told you I love you, I meant it, and whatever lie I may have told you, it was because I love you that I said it. That’s a little unclear I think so let me try saying that in a different way. I am not by nature a proud person. I cry in the movie theatre, I tell childish jokes and laugh at them afterwards, in short, I rarely give two farts about what anyone I DON’T KNOW AND LOVE thinks about me. If you mean something to me though, if you have impacted my life even in the slightest way, I cannot help but want you to like/approve of/care about/love me as well.

I learned when I was five years old that it’s far easier to change how people think about you with WORDS than it is with ACTIONS. And so, I started telling lies, mostly about myself to make me look better but also to avoid responsibilities. As I grew older my skill set grew and I honed my deceptive ways into a fine art. I could go on all night about this but what I really want you all to know is that I thought all that “web weaving” would ever do is keep me protected from the judgment of others. Now I know that what it truly did was keep me from having any real relationships with everyone in my life. I want you all to know how sorry I am. I am truly so, so, SO sorry. Every single one of you has a very real place in my heart, and I was too blinded by my fear of losing your respect and acceptance that I couldn’t be who I really am with you. I have only been able to have real MOMENTS with all of you and that is NOT how I want to live my life. I am committed to starting new with all of you who are willing to let me. I take full responsibility for my actions and I willingly accept the consequences because they are worth far more to me than an empty life.

If any of you haven’t quite caught on to the full ramifications of this, let me just tell you how excited I am to be able to say that for the very first time, Vanessa and I are having a real relationship together. i.e. I have come COMPLETELY clean with her! I have admitted to my wife that I have lied to her about so many things for years and SHE’S STILL WITH ME!!! That should tell you something! She is truly an amazing and extraordinary person to be able to see me for who I am being and not for what I have done. I can’t express just how honored I feel to be married to her and I don’t care how many of you just threw up a little from reading it. Oh yea, and I told my parents as well and for the first time in over 10 years I am actually looking forward to talking with them! AMAZING!

Kinda makes me wonder how things would have gone had I just kept saying “nothing there for ME.” But anyways, these past few days have been a real rollercoaster. By the way, I’m not trying to imply that Landmark Education is that magic pill that makes all of your troubles in life go away. I assure you that it’s not and that if your still looking for that magic pill, let me know when you find it please. Living life is still a challenge and that ain’t changing but there’s a big difference between living your life thinking; “ya it’s a challenge and it SUCKS!” and thinking; “it sure is a challenge and I FREAKIN LOVE that!”

SO! If any of you are willing to let me start fresh with you, please, PLEASE let me know, and by the way, I know that you guys are all wondering what the lies were and let me say that I am more than happy to come clean but for one thing, it would take 5 more pages for me to confess all of them and none of you would read it all and for another thing, it ain’t easy for a compulsive liar to separate the facts from the fiction so let’s just do it on a one to one basis. If you want to know more, give me a call. I’m actually answering my phone now! AMAZING RIGHT!?

I Love you all so much and can’t wait to start having real relationships with all of you!

P.S.

Just in case any future employers may be looking at this and thinking, “good lord, I don’t want to hire a compulsive liar to work for me!” please just ask yourself this one question; How would it feel to know that you had an employee that was not only honest with you about everything they did and didn’t do, but held THEMSELVES accountable for all of their actions? That’s what I’m doing right now, and by the way, it’s infectious.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

Welcome to the first day of fall!

How very unlike Texas to celebrate the first day of fall with "cool" weather. The drumming of steady rain filled my eardrums this morning as I rose from my slumber. Our summer has been bone-shatteringly dry and fire-roasting hot. It was so blistering hot this summer that we were two days short of beating the all time record of the hottest summer on record made in 1925. And not only that Texas, typically does not feel fall weather, does not acknowledge a change in the season until around Halloween, and even then we only receive a drop of 10-15 degrees. Texas prefers it's weather to remain sizzling torrid as it feels the need to maintain it's reputation as the kid on the block no one dares to mess with.

When I walked outside this morning amidst the cool breeze, grey sky, the nearly smiling plants and the musky scent of fresh rain, my first thought was, "Am I in a different part of the country? Did I somehow teleport to the North West. Am I actually in Seattle at this moment? Isn't Texas brown and dead with no hope of rain for another decade?" It is 3:00 pm and 68 degrees. Sixty-eight degrees! I don't know that we have gotten below 70 degrees the entire summer, even at the dead of night and here in Texas September is still summer- no matter what the equinox says.

So to celebrate this unexpected yet welcome change in our weather, we decided to make chili. Chili is the perfect meal for any "cold" rainy evening. It is currently stewing on the stove and as we LOVE food, we are finding it increasingly difficult to pass by without tasting it each and every time.

P.s. On a follow up note to the previous posts, we are on the road to recovery. We have not fully humanized from our snotty zombie states, but we are much more recognizable as human beings at this point.

Snot Monster (reminicing)

(In the spirit of sickness and in sharing past memories of Italy, I thought I would share a post I wrote on our first blog that we started to keep our family and friends up to date with our lives in Italy. In the previous post, I shared about the time when Kyle was sick in Venice, but previous to that, I had been sick. I was just beggining to stretch my writing muscles and devlop my voice. I remember being really proud of this piece, but now as I read through it, I am tempted to edit and revamp it, but as it is a relic from another time, I am holding myself back and leaving it as is and accepting it as it is. Here is that moment:)

The Snot Monster
So it has come to that time in the season where everyone is getting sick, including me! Noses become red, everyone sneezes and coughs and tissues are a hot comodity. I have become a statistic in this common pattern. My body is no longer my own but now merely a shell for snot. I am afraid there will be an uprising soon and the snot will not only hold my body hostage but will become a snot monster and try and take over the world. It could happen and if it did, Italy would be doomed. The snot monster would be a force to be reckoned with and we would need the amazing powers of a superpower to fight this evil. Maybe spiderman, batman, superman or better yet superwoman. Even the incredibles might not be able to contain this gigantic mass of yellow goo.
I am very glad I am sick now though instead of in Venice and during fall break. I have been taking it easy, moving slowly and not changing out of p.js. So far I think that my home remedy is working. But yesterday we had to go do laundry in the cold. We do have a laudry service but we were advised in the begining not to wash anything in there that you are particularly attached to because they might ruin it, so we have to hand wash and hang dry the clothes we are attached to. The problem starts to occur when you feel that your clothes aren't very clean from swishing them around in a bucket full of soap. Also, winter here is cold and wet meaning clothes will start to freeze soon instead of dry. Everytime we hang things to dry it ineveitably rains. So the point I am coming to is that I had to wash clothes in the cold while sick yesterday and it didn't make me a happy camper. Don't you agree Kyle should have done it all himself. Most of the clothes were his anyways, but I am a good girlfriend and we split the labor.
Kyle is not sick and is showing no signs of being taken over by the snot monster but only time will tell.

(Ironic isn't it, that Kyle DID get sick in Venice!)

Here's Kyle's current snot trail. Enjoy!

P.S. If you are wondering if the strange, sickly looking plant in the back is growing from the pile of tisssues, no it's not. We are trying to grow a pineapple bush. So far it's not looking so good.